My new book project..

The Dummy's guide to Chip Whitley is about to begin..
I have titles for several chapters and their corresponding themes written down..I will post them tomorrow.

Robbing your subconscious mind of all hope...

I got two fortune cookies today whilst at the mall. Then al these little kids kept going up to the lady and ordering them, too.

Anyway, Mine said.."all your hard work is about to pay off soon" & "you will enjoy doing something very different this coming weekend"

weird. I wonder what that ever could mean?

Anyway..here's something fun that will ruin you if you click on it..

Ralphy, etc..

Ralphy is sleeping on my couch. I think he's helping me emotionally by
being here. I mean, I know he's glad to be here. Lisanne is right--we
are kindred spirits. She even noticed that we have the same facial
expressions. He helped Doug wake up today. I put him and Doug while he
was trying to hit the snooze alarm one more time. "C'mon Doug, wake up
so you can pet my head", Ralphy said.
I walked in a rain storm today on my way back from blockbuster.
I got the Third Lord of the Rings Movie--Return of the King. The Second
movie impressed me immensely. I also am going to watch Ghost world
again for about the fourth time. I know I will still piss myself when I
see the guy in the Mullet at the convenience store. Doug's never seen
that movie. We have Donnie Darko and The Donkey Balthazaar by Robert
Bresson on the way too.
I'm really getting into movies again. It's all part of the creative
resurfacing of my imagination that I lost deacdes ago, and am fighting
to get back. Myspace is actually helping me with that as well..
There are really some interesting characters there..you just have to
find them.
It's all about the personas..like this one guy is A.C. Slater from
"Saved by the Bell". There's Urkl, Chuck Norris, and Bob Saget
characters as well. It's similar to what I found at RT..but it's easier
to dodge the group mentality..at least for me anyway. There's more
networking going on at myspace..rather than just random unmoderated tom
foolery as found in the RT forums. I met a couple good friends
there..but I think I needed to move on. I almost became a legend in RT
forums..and may still return when the time is ripe.
Anyway..feel free to join myspace and integrate yourself with my new
world. I must warn you that it can be addictive..so proceed with caution.

Later.

_____________________________________________________________________
PrivatePhone - FREE telephone number & voicemail.
A number so private, you can make it public.
http://www.privatephone.com

I got Ralphy today. We have to keep him here [at the apt.complex] on the DL tip. I snuck him in from Lisanne's car in one of her shirts.

I rode the bike up to Dollar General and got him a litter box and some food. He's a eating some white chicken right now. Oh wait, he just finished. I bought him some Iams. The white chicken is just a treat.

He was attacking Avaril [the peach cat we brought from NJ], so it was either sneak him here or send him to the pound. I asked Doug whilst in a JimBeam stupor last night, and he agreed.

If we follow a couple simple guidelines--like putting him in my room every time someone knocks on the door [even neighbors]--we'll be fine.

My conscience is clear on this, as it smelled like a wet dog when I moved in and I had to flea bomb the place. Ralphy actually uses his box and has a flea collar.

He really missed us. He's very needy. He needs his head rubbed quite frequently and he likes to sleep with Doug. Hopefully he will get used to being an indoor cat. What choice does he have? We just saved him from going to the pound. He's currently exploring the top of my couch/bed and hacking his lungs out--so cute. Very endearing.

BTW, I'm recruitijng people to call my answering machine and say random things. It's part of a music project I am doing. For more details or to express interest--email me. Or comment, if you are surfing in and don't know my email [it's NOT mre74@hotmail.com like my profile says].

 

P.S.-- My Website where you get free E-Books!!!!
Tell all your friends!!!!.. Or don't--you ingrate.

My Truancy

Yes, a lot's been NOT happening with me...sorry to not have shared it with you.

I did score my first liquidation business deal [women's socks], if knowing that is your thing. I will find out tomorrow or Monday if it will yield me some loot. I really would like it if it did.

A beautiful woman [who is, of course unavailable] from the downtown has seduced me into the world of myspace.

MY myspace profile

MY myspace blog

At my blog there, I've mostly just been reposting my writing and telling short, uninteresting stories and spouting half-fast philosophies..you know--the usual.

P.S.-- My Website where you get free E-Books!!!!
Tell all your friends!!!!.. Or don't--you ingrate.

~Love John

This just in...

4 out of 5 of my posts go uncommented on...

That's "fucking awesome!"

Happy Father's Day

Blogger: this just in--"smoke it and you will kill people"

Official Gubment Propaganda on marijuana usage as rereleased in the documentary--"Grass".

Interesting to note that decades after the original propaganda was shown to the sheep, er..masses, Crack was developed, but 9 times out of ten the degenerates were too emaciated to actually harm anyone.

This concludes today's episode of "Phoning it in"

Getting high tech and emailing my entries in..

Is that kind of like "phoning it in"? If so, I approve.

 

I guess so tired of all these attempts at effort and integration..

 

So, my new band, "Men in Capes" is going to play a show on July 1st. As soon as that's done I am going on a special journey..no, not an acid trip. I'm going to embark upon a trek across "external reality".

 

I'm thinking about just doing bizarre, complex variations of Pink Floyd songs for the show. Well, not just me..the band will have "other" members. I'll record the show for anyone who wants me to mail it to them.

 

Well, all right, so I have to up my practicing to two hours a day instead of one for a couple weeks. No biggie.

 

I have a special schedule now that I have a job, three home businesses and a huge resevoir of movies from blockbuster online to watch. I just saw Aeon Flux last night, and I must say it was delightful. I'm going to have to rent that again very soon.

 

I haven't really watched movies consistently for about two years. But I'm back in the loop. Funny how I was on Rotten Tomatoes all that time and I had only Watched Anchorman and few Kung Fu Flicks.

 

Well, I'm going to go eat rice and  lentils, cause they help me poop. =]

 

What a lame Blog I have. Eh..Oh well.

 

 

 

invisiblegenius@earthlink.net

EarthLink Revolves Around You.

 

Completely cracked out of my mind and unapologetic

Yep..

Mo wheat--AKA Warren Douglas ordered some information about how to patent your invention ideas. His overactive mind is always coming up with these types of things. They don't even expect you to create the product. They handle product development and patents, and then they pay you. He claims that at any given time, he has multiple ideas in his head. But, over said time, they pass on and he forgets the details. So he plays the numbers game..a few of them are bound to pay off.

He bought this stuff [and I tried it today]--some kind of herbal fat burning pill [Hydroxycut--ranked 11/30 at consumerhealthdigest.com]. Mo Wheat said it gives you super motivation, so I tried it. I hate my job and start very early in the morning, and I hate drinking coffee [I used to drink it often and was very fond of trying many flavors..], so I took one pill. God Damn! How it works--anything you eat, the carbs and nutrients are like super assimilated and energy goes through your blood stream. Coffee pretty much just screws up your hormone levels and drains your nutrients. Coffee is bullshit--hate me for kicking the shit out of the illusion, but some arrogant prick had to do it, it might as well have been me.

So, like I can't take this shit every day, cause I'm a reservoir of potential energy, and it only takes one pill to make me feel cracked out all day. Plus, I only weigh 140 lbs. sobbing wet. So a fat burner isn't really my cup of tea. Maybe I should drink some Chamomile tea soon, because I'm still at full blast 12 hours after taking the pill. What's that Japanese phrase for working yourself to death? I just wanted a little motivation..

So, I went over my ex's today after work to give her a card and a figurine, because we had a really disheartening exchange last night. Anyway, My beautiful and wonderful cat Ralphy lives with her temporarily [We used to live next door to each other for the past six months.]. He really misses me and I visit him twice a week, but it isn't enough. I can't really keep him where I am, but I was in a pinch, so we [my roommate and I] chose this apt. The Landlord even made it a point to put it in bold, red letters "Absolutely no pets allowed" in the lease.
Poor Ralphy gets attacked daily whenever he goes outside by this massive grey cat; and he reacts by attacking the other cat--poor innocent Avaril. So I set a trap for The garagantuan stray with a cat carrier and some food. I was actually trying to draw his energy with some Tai Ji maneuvers [that I made up as I went along]. There's a little picnic area by the woods and a nice little valley. It's a beautiful place to connect with nature.
I didn't catch the bastard cat yet, but I did discover a few things from my brief meditation--Level one of tai ji: Awareness; Level 2: self_defense; Level three: Peace; and level 4: Integration.
"It's boring I know, but it's my life". God, I'm so deep..
I almost took another header on my bike today. I wanted to blame the car next to me that didn't know how to drive, but I know it just as much my own dumb ass fault. The entire reason I almost flipped was that I had to take the back brakes off when I took a header and crash the bike at about 20 mph going down a MT. last time. It bent the wheel a tad, so, of course, applying front brakes at inopportune moments and amounts of applied pressure is potentially bad..Like when you go off the road and into the grass at high speeds and your not sure where the curb is or where the bumps are.
When I crashed before, I was wearing a really thick sweatshirt at about 5:30 am [came out pretty much scratch free--no breaks, sprains, bruises]. These days I am riding shirtless because I may wanna hit some beaches this summer. I do not want to scrape the hell out of my torso in a major wreck. That would truly suck Monkey ass. If it happens, I'll just get all hardcore and tattoo right over the scars.
Fuck yea, That's what I'll do! Can you tattoo over scars? I better look into that.

"Everybody's got nice stuff but me."

--I was almost sick today. Taking : prunes, raisins, fruit juice, lemon water, etc.I got a new web site..If anybody wants to check it out--shot put me an email.I'm getting really good at riding up hill."Take me out", Dead Milkmen--

Everybody's got nice stuff but me
Everybody's got nice stuff but me
Everybody's got nice stuff but me
Everybody's got nice stuff but me

Look at that girl she makes me sick
She's got a wad of bills 6 inches thick
Got a brand new stereo a new TV
Everybody's got nice stuff but me
I want a stereo I want a TV

Everybody's got nice stuff but me
Everybody's got nice stuff but me
Everybody's got nice stuff but me
Everybody's got nice stuff but me

People in nice cars how'd they get em?
I close my eyes try to forget em
Went out swimming got hit by a jet-ski
Everybody's got nice stuff but me
I wanna car I wanna jet-ski

Everybody's got nice stuff but me
Everybody's got nice stuff but me
Everybody's got nice stuff but me
Everybody's got nice stuff but me

She's got eyes of deepest blue
He's got hair that's green
Everybody's got nice stuff but me
I wish I had the kind of cash
To make heads turn when I walk past
I wish I could live in luxury

Everybody's got nice stuff but me
I want cash, I want money
Everybody's got nice stuff but me
I want a stereo I want a TV
Everybody's got nice stuff but me
I want a car I want a jet-ski
Everybody's got nice stuff but me
I want hair that's blue or green
Everybody's got nice stuff but me
Everybody's got nice stuff but me
Everybody's got nice stuff but me
Everybody's got nice stuff but me

"Today is the number of the Beast as spoken in the contrived book of revelations"

I'm really tired today. Doug says I probably messed myself up by eating pork, because I hadn't eaten it in so many years.
Some emotional stuff I am figuring out, though..like the fact that I am not doing the things my heart desires from day to day. I think about what I want to do all the time, but my depression/anxiety usually gets the better of me. I guess I just need to keep working through the trauma.
I'm trying to put myself on a schedule that involves breaking tasks into physical movements, because each type of task has it's own energy pattern. It takes alot of discipline for me to follow through, because one of the symptoms of trauma is inability/fear of managing time.
I realized in talking to my friend on OKCupid that I had forgotten how afraid I am of making music. She said it must be cathartic for me to play when I mentioned that I started playing keyboard and learning the patterns for the different types of scales. The problem is that it's way too cathartic for me. it's like a floodgate of emotion. If you've read my poetry--it's like that except squared.
Realizing my fear and where it comes from is always a window of opportunity for breakthrough. If I have a passion or two or three, I should follow them no matter how nasty the rapids threaten me. I should just soak in the intense feelings and steer my way forward.
I've learned so much from OKCupid. It took me a few months to even realize why I was there--speaking of my own personal journey. Anyone that knows anything about me can realize that I am reacting to the loss of my biggest romantic relationship in my life; but I've stumbled onto so much more.
But I've seen aspects of myself through relating to others in a consistent and honest and creative manner. Maybe I won't get laid anytime soon, but I realy don't care. Anyway..I can give myself orgasms that vibrate my teeth for God's Sake! TMI, too bad.
I knew I was searching for something at OKCupid, and every time I thought I found it, someone else cool came along and showed me more. So I feel blessed to have been there. Every system is ultimately what you make of it.
I reminded myself in a letter to someone today that I would like to integrate all the aspects of myself together into something creative, practical and beautiful. It's all right that all I have going right now are snipits and samples [10 poems, 15 raps, 1 unfinished screenplay, some drumming experience, the joy of letter writing, an avid intake of music (65%-80% of my waking life), etc.]
I am developing a love of patterns which I hope to fuse with my gift for numbers. I started arithmetic at age three. Doug showed me that every scale has the same pattern according to its type (Minor, Major, Blues). So it's senseless to memorize the actual note sequence when it's just a string of numbers [distqnces between 8 notes] 7 digits long. So I only need to know 3 phone phone numbers basically. I can easily memorize a hundred. I don't know that many, but I could if I wanted to. I only memorize what I need to know on a regular basis, though.
So, we're going to be buying a four track recorder very soon. The guy at the pawn shop offered me a deal, because I am cool and I get my phone service there. I have my room set up really well for recording. I have an empty desk, a couch and recliner and plenty of empty floor space and four outlets. There's also a mixer for 15 or twenty dollars that we can get too, which is excellent because I have high quality headphones, but no amplifier. As it is now, the bass notes are much weaker than the high notes. Since we live in an apt. complex of sixteen apt.'s, this makes the most sense. We can make some noise here because of the concrete walls between apt.s, which is so much better than the wooden walls and ceiling above us that we had at the last place.
So, yeah, it's time to stop needlessly wrestling against time and step up to the plate and stop wasting my talent. I'm going to continue with my healing trauma routine--which I think everyone should do, because trauma is a very misunderstood and under-recognized aspect of society and individual consciousness. I bought a cool pulsating shower head at a local dept. Store [Big Lots] for 11 fitty. It's a requirement for getting in touch with my physical body, where residual trauma stays until it is released or kills you.
I'd rather have it come out the proper way instead of just coming out like a broken dam gate and scaring the shit out of me when I play music. I like to be creative, but I need some control over the process. Without some control, life is out of balance.
I don't know if I'm challenging my fears or making friends with them. Either way, I think should keep going out of nothing more than curiosity if that's what it takes.

Semantic Internalization of Haiku

Advertisement with
Big words that clutter small minds
Music filtered through

I've got a lot on my heart these days. A three year relationship ended recently. I couldn't even tell you when it ended. I just know the less time we spend together, the better we get along. I make a special point to rarely talk about it in my online journals, and never in any detail..but I feel I must say a few things. I don't really think it's fair that I should feel guilty if I ever found someone new. And I don't ever want that new person to ever feel they are a replacement of her [I.e. I shouldn't talk about her, like ever]. I like to think there's no cliche "empty space in my heart where she used to be". It's just an experience that's had it's day. Am I over it? Consciously yes. Subconsciously.. honestly, that will take time. I feel this desperate urge to test the new waters and explore myself through other women and sexuality. But I ask myself what it means to do that. I think about the roots of these measures. For example. last week I was sure I felt this deep connection with someone at the Dowtown. But I didn't even talk to her. Mostly, granted this was because I wasn't sure if she was with some guy that is really big and borderline belligerent. I don't get a good vibe from him at all. The point is, I spent a lot of time thinking about it. But the more I did, and the more I asked questions, I realized [or thought I did] that really I'm just trying to find myself. Because this is what would probably happen. There probably is the potential for a connection. But really I may just need to exercise my social muscles and go beyond my comfort zone a little bit and see what the world is really like. Probably I'll find out that the one who makes me nervous isn't all that great. I really just wanna spend time with nice people that I feel comfortable with. I have zero tolerance for people that have any desire to act on their impulses to be mean to me in even the slightest way. I really have no idea what the Hell I'm trying to say. But at least I'm trying to say it. I have a lot of emotions wrapped up in my fear of people in general, especially women. It isn't my fault that I have this fear. Maybe unconsciously I'm searching for people that will help me overcome this fear. Eventually, I'd like to see this concept through and dissolve this pattern into an integrated emanating consciousness that records music and lyrics and feels free. But I'm taking the long road, without the vices that everyone else clings to. Here's a song by The Jazz hip hop Phenom US3--I just got their album "52nd and Broadway" at the discount record store. I was looking for a Juliana Hatfield album to make a mixed for someone I don't even know. I talked to a computer nerd for fifteen minutes and got caught in a rain storm on the way home. I am almost coming down with a cold/cough.

"SHEEP"
Walking, thinking, feeling, responding
Uncovering and discovering new things about myself and this mad world around me
Many philosophies, many tongues, many dialects and tones
Different styles but wild is wild, calm is calm, but cool is mature
Most cool cats are kids at heart
Now there's business along with the art
A chef with words, a chef with herbs, a chef with vegetables, soy products and bean curd
Some look at my face and say you're quite absurd
And I say why, 'cos I'm not down with the herd?

Of the world I haven't seen much, but with the mind I escape the ghetto's clutch
Loose cigarettes, ass bets on celo games, abandoned cars and colourful names on walls
Suburb days were filled with sun rays and crooked cops who looked at me sideways
Singin' that same old song, where ya from, 'cos round here you don't belong
Long strolls unravel my soul like a scroll telling many stories untold
But some look at my face and say you're quite absurd
And I say why, 'cos I'm not down with the herd?

I an' I light up the sky, who be the sun, to stir up your adrenaline like African drums
Status quo, no. Along with the grain, no. I got my own flow
Similar to none, dangerous like itchy fingers on guns, yet graceful like swans
But there's a built in bomb
Must defuse, must choose, right or wrong, win or lose
Born to die, that's why I ask why is it so hard to get a piece of the pie
Some look at my face and say you're quite absurd
And I say why, 'cos I'm not down with the herd?